As I type this I have two werewolf action figures flanking my computer monitor (both of them out of the box, as it were). To my left is Henry Hull as the , complete with his sporty cap and jacket. To my right is Lon Chaney Jr. as . Either one could wipe the floor with these sad specimens.
1. Doctor Who Werewolf
Yes, the TV Series Doctor Who released an action figure of a werewolf back in 2005. The Doctor’s version of the werewolf action figure is an 8″ werewolf in complete werewolf form covered in fur (no clothing). It is a poseable action figure with articulated head, knees, elbows, shoulders, wrists, waist, hip, and ankles, allowing the figure to even assume a crouched wolf position!
3. Wetworks Werewolf Action Figure
The comic book series Wetworks has a few Ultra Action Figures by McFarlane Toys. The werewolf action figure collectible was released in 1995 and is a buff, muscle-filled animal that is much more monster-like than the previous figures. It is made to either stand up on both feet or drop to all fours in a wolf-like crouching position.
In all honesty, Dick Satisfaction almost didn’t make the list because, unlike the other werewolf figures, he was designed to be stupid. But the reason he’s here is because he has the courage to plumb the depths of pop-culture stupidity with the audacity of Lieutenant Ripley taking the elevator down to rescue a little lost girl. Just how courageous does a non-combatant woman have to be to single-handedly fight the queen of a legion of aliens that had just decimated an entire unit of space marines? Answer: Courageous enough to border on stupid. Just how stupid does Dick Satisfaction have to be just to keep being Dick Satisfaction? Answer: Stupid enough to border on courageous. Therefore Dick Satisfaction earns the #1 spot my list as the of stupid werewolf action figures. And like St. Pierre, he will probably defend his title for 300 more years.